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THE RAMTOM OF THE OPERA
WHOROSCOPES - " We all know where you've been... Find out where you're GOING!"
by Angela Lovell
www.tickingboxes.com
I don't want to discourage ...
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I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BULLOOD
Oh, Taurus, everyone wants a piece of you lately, but not in the GOOD way. They're sucking you dry as you work sixty hour weeks, wishing a bus would hit you just so you get a REAL night's ...
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TWINS OR TREAT!
From sex-icon Geminis Marilyn Monroe, to Angelina Jolie, no one can quench their craving of The Twins! (Pun intended!) In all your enigmatic glow, you're setting the rest of us aflame. Maybe ...
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BOBBING FOR CRABAPPLES
You talk too much, Cancer, but you sure do got a pretty mouth. Stick to the oral you do best - Fellatio and cunnilungus! Why do you think we all sit around listening to you retell the same, ...
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WELCOME TO THE BATES MOTELEO
Your bedroom is disgusting. Shouldn't you have outgrown keeping a booger collection by now? Maybe not with those rubber sheets. Damn, Leo, even if you do manage to get someone drunk ...
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THE BRIDE OF VIRGINSTEIN
It's time to get out of that chatroom and get a makeover. Virgo, you're lookin' like a bad clone of a Muppet... With eye boogers. Quit spending all your money on birth control and beer and pay ...
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DRAGON SCALES
That normal fire-breathing angst has been outdone lately by your commitment to the tobacco industry. Your husky voice is sexy but the phlegm you hack up cancels out how large and appealing your ...
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HOCUS SCORPIOCUS
You seem to have disappeared, Scorpio! Ever since astronomers determined Pluto - your ruling planet - isn't a planet at all, nobody thinks about you anymore unless there's an obvious reminder - ...
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GREAT, GREEN GLOBS OF SAGITTARIUS
Brittney Spears and Christina Aquilera have more in common than it seems - they're both dirty, dumb, sexpot Sagittarians, good for one thing only - entertaining! Don't forget your ...
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IT'S THE GOAT PUMPKIN, CHARLIE BROWN!
It's rough not being able to make friends, and nobody knows better than Capricorn. Even when you miraculously score an invitation to social gatherings, you back out, telling yourself no one is ...
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GUMMY WATER-BEARERS
You're a truly lovable sign, Aquarius, and a delight to have at any gathering... Until you rape and pillage the snack table. Hell, even after the buffet has dissipated you raid your guest's ...
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REESES PISCES
That chocolate-peanut butter combo ain't got nuthin' on how well you go with the creepiness of Halloween! This is Pisces' time to shine. Now more than ever it'll seem "normal" when ...
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